Lewinsky tears up discussing affair

PHILADELPHIA — In her first public talk in 13 years, Monica Lewinsky teared up as she recalled the aftermath of her affair with President Clinton, saying while she “deeply regrets” the scandal, she considers herself a “survivor” of the “shame game.”

Lewinsky admitted she was “nervous” and “emotional” before addressing the crowd of twenty and thirtysomethings at Forbes magazines’ “Under 30” summit in Philadelphia on Monday.

{mosads}“My name is Monica Lewinsky,” she told the audience, “though I have often been advised to change it or ask why on Earth I haven’t. But there we are — I haven’t. I am still Monica Lewinsky.”

Now 41, she continued, “Sixteen years ago, fresh out of college, a 22-year-old intern in the White House and more than averagely romantic, I fell in love with my boss, in a 22-year-old sort of way. It happens.”

“But my boss was the president of the United States. That probably happens less often,” the California native added, wearing a dark blazer and pinstripe pants.

“Now, I deeply regret it for many reasons, not the least of which because people were hurt, and that’s never okay,” Lewinsky said.

She called the on-and-off two-year affair with Clinton “her everything” at the time. That was the “nice part,” Lewinsky exclaimed, saying, “The nasty part was when it became public, public with a vengeance.”

After news of the sex scandal broke on the Drudge Report in 1998, Lewinsky said, “Overnight, I went from being a completely private figure to a publicly humiliated one. I was patient zero — the first person to have a reputation completely destroyed worldwide via the Internet.”

Lewinsky said she was “threatened in various ways” after news of the affair erupted worldwide and set off a media firestorm.

“I was threatened with up to 27 years in jail for denying the affair in an affidavit and other alleged crimes — 27 years. When you’re only 24 yourself, that’s a long time,” she told the hushed audience.

Lewinsky choked up and stepped back from the podium for a moment when mentioning her mother, saying she was told that her mother might also “face prosecution if I didn’t cooperate and wear a wire.” She composed herself and added, “In case you didn’t know, I did not wear a wire.”

The experience post scandal left her “close to disintegrating,” the London School of Economics grad said. Lewinsky described the shredding of her online reputation, saying, “We are all vulnerable to humiliation, private and public figures alike.”

At times appearing fragile and other times seemingly defiant, Lewinsky, who joined Twitter on Monday ahead of the Forbes chat, said she aims to “give purpose to my past.”

“Having survived myself, what I want to do is help other victims of the shame game survive, too,” she said.

The Monday talk was the latest step by Lewinsky back into the public eye. In May, she penned an essay for Vanity Fair magazine.

Lewinsky concluded her lecture with a quote from Oscar Wilde, saying, “To mock at a soul in pain is a dreadful thing.” As the crowd rose for a standing ovation, Lewinsky gave a quick wave as she walked offstage.

— This story was updated at 12:19 p.m.