The spy trade show

Shouldn’t we remember that, by definition, clandestine agents like to
skulk in the dark shadows, jealously guarding the secrecy of their
creepy creeping? So mightn’t we want to be just a tad suspicious about
the clamor of publicity concerning the recent espionage game-playing?

Suddenly, the spy biz has become show biz. About all we haven’t seen of
that suburban ring is a program called “The Real Russian Housewives.”
And one has to believe that Playboy and/or Hustler have been in touch with the redhead. I see a centerfold coming.

Of course, they’ll need to shoot it in Moscow, or somewhere, because that’s where the ring members are taking up residence now that they have been deported, uprooted from being embedded in our bedroom communities.

Their charade could hardly be called “Deep Cover.” Given the superficiality of the ’burbs, “Shallow Cover” seems more appropriate. And these moles were removed by the FBI, not the usual lawn-care service.

But you know the whole story. And there can be only one explanation for that: It’s phony. It’s gotta be made up. It is either a concoction of the news networks, looking for something to over-cover when even the President Obama show seems to have gone on hiatus.

Or it was their desperate attempt to come up with programming to match the breathless LeBron-James- Goes-From-Cleveland-to-Miami-Duhhhh melodrama on ESPN.

It could well have been an insidiously clever plot on BP’s part to distract from their destruction of an entire region of the United States, their former colony. I kinda doubt that explanation, because that would mean they’re good at PR, and what we’ve witnessed would suggest that the only ones worse are Gen. McChrystal and his crew.

My favorite possibility is that it’s just another ploy by the aforementioned redhead to get publicity. This is even bigger than Facebook! The woman is amazing. Who knew there were so many ways to pout?

What’s really remarkable is that the two teams pulled this off before the trading deadline. For those who are not sports fans, that’s a baseball reference, but you’re still probably wondering who this guy LeBron James is.

In this case, they pulled off a sensational swap: 10 minor leaguers sent from the Washington Nationals in exchange for four star players from the Moscow Reds, along with who knows how many players to be named later.

Whatever, it has been great beach reading. It’ll be a terrific movie. Let’s call it “The Cul De Sac Capers.” It’s so juicy the nervous producers and executives won’t even eviscerate the script. To those who would argue, “You can’t make this stuff up,” I would say, “Sure you can.” It’s not that “Truth is stranger than fiction”; what’s really strange is that we believe a word of it.

Visit Mr. Franken’s website at www.bobfranken.tv.