Ted Cruz at Liberty

I dozed off during Sen. Ted Cruz’ (R-Texas) speech announcing his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president.

He used the word imagine. He talked about himself. In front of the entire Liberty University student body, packed into their seats by the school’s policy of mandatory attendance, he shared his love of liberty and the Constitution. His melodious tones rolled through the amber waves of the pearly gates of Hell.

{mosads}Without a teleprompter, he delivered lines such as “I believe in the power of millions of courageous conservatives.”  Supporters called his speech stirring.  Again, I was falling asleep.

Ted likes the Constitution. He asked the Liberty University students to text the word Constitution. I know I speak for all students at Liberty when I say, “Finally, I see the value of auto-complete.”

He is the cum laude graduate of Princeton University and the magna cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School, yet he chose to deliver his speech at Liberty University.  The students at Liberty are polite. They will obey the command to attend, they will sit and listen and, finally, they will stand and applaud. They will look good on television. It’s better than a green screen.

Those students deserved better than a speech requiring mandatory attendance with ulterior motives from the keynote.

So moved is Ted by his own life story, that, as he strutted robotically on stage, with Madonna’s microphone perched from his ear, pretending to enthrall the Lynchburg crowd, he left out the seven years between boyhood and manhood. These were the years where he excelled at two of the most competitive universities in the world. I bet if he had been visiting Liberty University when he was a law student, “Princeton and Harvard” might have popped up in conversations at the sorority party.

Close your eyes and imagine Ted Cruz at a sorority party lip-syncing and dancing, spilling a little foam from his Solo Cup. Can you hear the music? “I’m too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…I’m too sexy for your party; no way I’m disco dancing.”

It’s much more interesting to imagine that than listen to his Liberty University speech.

Ted is running against everyone else in the entire Republican Party, not just those who will follow him into the quest for the 2016 nomination.

Liberty and Constitution are the only two things he supports. When he turns to what he is against, he doesn’t trifle the students with needless detail. He tries and fails, as bad actors do, to fire-up the audience. Not a problem for Ted, as the cameras stay on him. Out pours his list of two targets: the IRS and ObamaCare.

He may have a set a new world record for running out of material the day he announced.

I have broken the Ted Cruz code. The word liberty, to him, means saying no to submitting to majority rule. He separates himself from any cause that is achievable.

No courage in that!

Ted knows he will lose the 2016 GOP nomination. He’s running now to run later in 2020. Imagine.

Now, all he needs is a plan to mandate that 300 million people do as he commands, because of Liberty and Constitution.

Boland is the founder and president of Dome Advisors LLC