Mills on the Hill: Cue the Dancing Polar Bears!

Today’s Mills on the Hill comes to you courtesy of the “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” department. Just in case you have not heard — they apparently are going to produce an opera based on Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth.” Like I said. Couldn’t make this up, could you?

The buzz in Milan these days (Mills on the Hill is everywhere, folks) has it that Italian composer Giorgio Battistelli has signed on to produce “Al Gore — The Musical” for the 2011 season. OK — maybe that’s not the exact name of the production, but we can dream, can’t we?

Gore, who has won every award on the planet, including the prestigious Jesus Reincarnate Humility Medal, is not actually involved in the production. At least, I don’t think he is; Mills on the Hill is not a big fan of research, especially while the Congress is on a weeklong vacation.

It’s a real shame, too. Gore should star in the thing. Put on a few pounds. Grow a beard. Important operatic stuff like that.

Who could miss an opera-ending Pavarotti-Ahab-like moment with the former Veep appearing at the end of the show strapped to the top of a melting nuclear reactor just before it slides into the soil on a direct trip to China. Ticketmaster was made for such moments.

Actually, the opera offers limitless possibilities. Opera World Hotline hints that there will be a sensational tug-of-war scene pitting a group of polar bears going up against the CEOs of the world’s major oil companies.

I expect that Disney is watching developments very closely as well, to see if a future Al Gore theme park might make sense.

HBO has already secured the rights to a miniseries, and NASCAR is sponsoring a race where all the drivers will be dressed like snail darters and spotted owls. Al Gore is negotiating to drive a hybrid pace car being constructed from discarded 2000 Florida election ballots and leftover hair from the Senate barber shop.

Seriously, folks, good for Al Gore. The planet needs some help right now and I think we can all do our part by offering some story lines that might work for the opera. Mills on the Hill will be happy to pass along the ideas to La Scala.