Campaign Exhibition Games

Which is it? Is it Barack Obama’s kick-ass, ass-kicking campaign or the big “Kick Me” sign John McCain is wearing? Either way, McCain is reduced to grumbling that the only press he’s getting these days is bad press. And isn’t that ironic?

Remember this is the same McCain who used to get such adoring coverage himself on the “Straight Talk Express” that he referred to the media as his “base.”

Now here he is, to use his buddy Phil Gramm’s word, “whining” that Obama has stolen his reporter groupies … right off his bus.

Don’t worry, John. When Barack the Traveler returns from his worldwide “premature victory lap,” you can steal the spotlight right back, even as he begins show-and-tell next week.

Yes indeed: You too can step into the pre-convention news void yourself, by revealing your vice presidential running mate. For real this time.

No more games of fake-out like last week’s cheesy move where your peeps planted a phony story with Bob Novak. That was kind of tacky of you, wasn’t it? Of course, it’s understandable when you consider how large a chunk of Obama’s crowd in Berlin yesterday was his media contingent. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Looking ahead, that horde of us herd journalists will need somewhere else to gallop. What better place to graze than the vice presidential pastures? That is a level field, where both sides will have the chance to make some hay. Or mistakes.

Who will it be? My loyal readers are already aware I’ve recommended that both Obama and McCain select Mike Bloomberg. He’s qualified, a friend of both candidates and he throws a great after-party.

Alas, as compelling as those qualifications are, it’s not going to happen. So who else? Here are a couple other suggestions:

Fred Thompson is my No. 1 choice for John McCain. He has a compelling advantage far beyond his vast law-and-order resume: Clearly the voters have had it with activist vice presidents. As he showed during his most recent campaign, Fred Thompson is no activist.

As for Barack Obama, he needs to find someone who can stifle the lingering hard feelings after his battle with Hillary Clinton, as well as someone who shares his interests.

How about a retired player from the WNBA? Anyone. As much discussion as there still is about Hillary, she just doesn’t have a good jump shot.

As you might have noticed, all of this discussion proves once again that the idle mind really is the devil’s workshop.

We’ll end the lull soon enough. No longer will the candidates have to rely on contrivances foreign and domestic. After the Olympic distraction coming up, it will be time for the real game to begin.

Visit Mr. Franken’s website at www.bobfranken.tv.