Obama to Run for President of Europe

BERLIN — In a surprise move, United States Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) announced today that he was switching continents and is now running to become the president of Europe. He endorsed former Vice President Al Gore to take his place on the Democratic ticket for the race for president of the United States.

Political analysts were stunned by the move, but an Obama campaign worker said it shouldn’t come as any surprise: “Listen, the euro is much stronger than the dollar. Europeans love Obama. Most of Europe (except those damn Brits) was right on Iraq, from our perspective. It really was just a natural evolution for Barack.”

Insiders say that it was the Germans’ reception of him at the Victory Column in Berlin that finally convinced Obama to change continents. “Barack was overwhelmed by the love expressed for him by the Germans, who are not a very expressive people. He told me that he couldn’t leave these people behind.”

According to other sources, Obama will push to change the European Constitution to make the presidency an eght-year term and to give the president and the European Parliament the power to tax. “Obama knows that this job isn’t worth a warm bucket of spit without the power to tax, and so he will make that the centerpiece of his campaign,” a source with knowledge of the move said.

Obama will also campaign to make his campaign symbol, called the Obama Sunrise, the national flag of Europe.

Obama is expected to give his first European campaign speech at the Bastille in France, the site of the start of the French Revolution. From there, he will campaign in every country in Europe at least once, spending more time where there is better shopping.

Obama is said to be very excited about Europe’s future possibilities. “Europe is still growing, still expanding and it is doing so by peaceful means. Ukraine, Georgia, Turkey, Armenia, Tunisia — really, the possibilities are endless. And Obama sees this as part of his destiny. Making Europe bigger and stronger and bigger,” the source said.

On Gore, Obama is said to be very excited about having him as partner to battle global warming and to end use of the combustion engine. “Barack Obama can have no better partner than Al Gore in achieving a joint vision of the environmental future free of gas, free of coal, free of wasteful electricity,” the source said. Some analysts see this move as a slap at Hillary Clinton, although Obama’s campaign workers say that is not the case: “Hillary is history. Gore is good. Nothing personal. Just business.”

According to close associates, Obama grew tired in his efforts to make America a “more perfect union.” One insider said, “America is not going to be perfect ever, so Obama thinks he can turn his attentions to Europe, which very well may be perfect with the right leader. They don’t have the original sins of America, they don’t have that history of racism, they like an active government. They like higher taxes. Europe is an older society, more mature, and Obama thinks they will be more willing to do those things to make it more perfect.”

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