Dave Barry: A new presidential hopeful, or something like that

Humorist Dave Barry is running for president on a platform of change, hope, experience and his opposition to low-flow toilets.

“That really seems to resonate with people,” Barry said of the commode issue. “There used to be toilets that would suck down a mature sheep … [low-flow] toilets barely can handle a piece of popcorn.”

Barry, the Miami-based columnist and Pulitzer Prize winner, is running for president. Or at least that is the name of his one-man show — “Dave Barry is running for president?” — at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 6 at the Lisner Auditorium.

“I’ve actually been running for president since 1988,” Barry told The Hill on Monday during a promotional phone interview. He stressed that this year it’s serious. “I have bumper stickers, thousands of bumper stickers.”

Barry isn’t intimidated by some of his fellow candidates. Until he ran into Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) in a bar, Barry thought Hunter was a mythical person. As for former Sen. Mike Gravel (D-Alaska), Barry still is not convinced that the lingering presidential hopeful exists.

When asked why he chose Washington as a venue to tout his platforms, Barry joked, “There are really good air connections to Washington from Miami … and it’s a good place to recruit secretaries of whatever.”

He paused for a moment, saying that a secretary of whatever would be a great idea — a change even.

“And I’m for change,” he reiterated.

When informed that college students may attend the event, given that the auditorium is located on the campus of George Washington University, Barry offered this advice.

“Stay in college, no matter how long it is,” he said. “It’s the best lifestyle.”