Baby got BlackBerry

Walking through the basement of the Longworth House Office Building recently, I noticed a female aide with her BlackBerry attached to the back of her trousers, making her look lumpy.

Not a great accessory, I thought to myself.

Unfortunately, this woman isn’t the only offender. I began to see aides and lawmakers of all shapes and sizes wearing their devices like utility belts — BlackBerrys and pagers and cell phones all strapped to their waists as though they were electricians, refrigerator repairmen, private detectives or crime fighters such as Batman.

Moments of desperation, such as when your hands are full with important documents — subpoenas and such — may call for attaching a gadget to your body. But only for 30 to 45 minutes. If you’re doing it routinely, self-examination is needed.

“As much as I understand the need for utility, wearing your BlackBerry or any other device is not a positive fashion statement,” says Rachel Cothran, creator of projectbeltway.com, a D.C. fashion blog. “Women especially have no excuse. If anything, having to carry work with you at all times via a BlackBerry is a reason to invest in a well-made bag.”  

Many lawmakers hide their gadgetry underneath their suit jackets, which is admirable. Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.) wears his by his kidney so he can bend and move as he pleases. “I always try to hide it and it’s always on vibrate,” says Franks. “I just don’t want to be disruptive to people.”

Good point. Wearing your gadgetry is not just occasional noise pollution, it’s also a fashion assault.

Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-N.C.) also hides his BlackBerry by attaching it to his waist, while he slips his Razr cell phone inconspicuously into a front pant pocket.

Both Reps. Mary Bono (R-Calif.) and Connie Mack (R-Fla.) conceal their gadgetry. She tucks her BlackBerry into a fashionable brown leather shoulder bag; he attaches his to his side, flashing us a peak only for the purposes of this story.

Another egregious fashion move is wearing gadgets out to the bars after work. Yes, everyone knows how important you are, but must you announce it to the world? “Everyone understands occasionally wearing a handheld during harried work hours, but only the lamest Happy Hour Steves rock theirs at the bar after work,” says Cothran, explaining that a Happy Hour Steve is an aide in the typical striped button-down shirt and hair gel.

Some lawmakers wear Bluetooth phones permanently attached to their ears, such as Del. Donna Christensen (D-Virgin Islands) and Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.). They often look like they’re talking to the air, to no one in particular, or, more alarmingly, to themselves.

When asked about “hiding his gadgets,” Rep. José Serrano (D-N.Y.) quipped that this conversation “can’t be going anywhere good.” He does hide his gadgets, but he also pulled out two small flash drives full of pictures and love poems that he keeps in his pocket — a good fashion statement, indeed. He wears his BlackBerry at his side.

“I try not to wear anything in front so I don’t look heavy,” he says.

Well done, congressman!