In spite of being a relatively mild-mannered optimist with a smile on his face most of the time, I am harboring too much anger nowadays. Not because of anything that has happened to me or to anybody close to me. It has more to do with what I know is happening in the country that I love, that I call my home, and for which I want a brighter future, particularly with respect to how we are, and could be, getting along with each other. I was taught a long time ago that anger is a natural human emotion, but certainly not if too much of it is bottled up inside for too long. I cover it up well, but I can only handle so much before I feel compelled to say something.
Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment by consuming as much news coverage as I do, but then again, it is important to remain informed. My autism spectrum profile, not unlike that of many others in the spectrum community, is such that I have always been especially sensitive to conflict and to social injustice, too much of which has recently made the headlines and which regrettably involves race. Collectively, it all becomes overwhelming, and I’m sure many others share this sentiment. Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, opening up about her struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts in the midst of racism in the British royal family and concerns about her child’s future skin color; Amanda Gorman, the nation’s first youth poet laureate who performed at President Biden’s inauguration, followed by a security guard, told “you look suspicious” as she was walking home and questioned as to whether the building at which she stopped was actually where she lived; Asian Americans increasingly under fire because of a pandemic for which no group of people deserves to be scapegoated (blame the real enemy, COVID-19); state legislatures across the country significantly compromising voter rights in response to unproven claims of a rigged presidential election, and in so doing, waging war on American Democracy and disproportionately on communities of color; hurtful, false statements made in the U.S. House of Representatives about how the Black Lives Matter movement looks down on family values. And all of this as the jury selection process gets underway in the George Floyd murder case and as the anniversary of Bloody Sunday is acknowledged, both of which bring back visions of horrific violence committed against black people.
It’s too much to try to process all at once. It provokes too much anger. It all contributes to the us vs. them tribalistic sentiment in society which undermines the hopes that many in America hold for a lasting, robust climate of tranquility and peaceful coexistence. Growing up autistic, I depended on these, often running away from situations that were confrontational or which I thought could become confrontational. Anger directed towards me had the power to hurt me emotionally, even when it came from a loved one and was not expressed with excessive intensity, such that I needed a fair amount of time afterwards to recover and to clear my mind. Being the object of somebody else’s anger, hatred or criticism was frequently too much for me to take. I remain sensitive to these though to a significantly lesser extent now than during my formative years, thanks to having been around the block once or twice and grown stronger as a result. Consequently, the impact that racism is known to have on the psyche of those it targets weighs on me.
Though my emotional response to these events is enough to bring tears to my eyes, it is nonetheless relatively easy for me to call them out as I write this piece because the color of my skin is white. I feel a measure of guilt, not because of my skin color, but for having been spared of the animus that Meghan, Amanda Gorman, the Asian-American community and countless other people of color have recently had to endure. None of us deserve this kind of punishment, and yet, they have been punished though I have not. As such, I feel compelled to reach out to them with empathy and concern, as well as to those who undeservedly have been adversely affected by racist acts in their lifetimes. This is the least I can do. This is what all of us who have been fortunate enough to steer clear of the onslaught of racism can do. A good number of the problems we face in society can be effectively addressed by efforts to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, to at least try to understand the other person’s point of view, to listen, and to endeavor to feel the pain that so many are feeling.
It all comes down to how we choose to look at our fellow human beings and how we choose to act in light of what we have seen. Will we choose to recognize only external appearances or will we choose to look deeper before we jump to conclusions? Who a person is, her words and deeds, how she treats herself and others: all of these matter. If those who would otherwise judge Meghan according to her race choose instead to focus on her inner and outer beauty, her acting talents and the courage she displayed when she opened up about her struggle with depression, that is a substantive victory for decency. If those who would otherwise support voter suppression choose instead to consider the humanity and dignity of the people in communities of color who would likely face disenfranchisement, that’s not merely a victory for decency but also for democracy. If we see an Asian-American on the street for the first time and are able to acknowledge that we don’t know who he is, we can choose to refrain from judgement on those grounds. Again, a victory for decency. And with each such victory, whether newsworthy or not, our country becomes a better place.
Sam Farmer wears many hats, among these father, husband, musician, computer consultant, and autism spectrum community contributor. Diagnosed later in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, he writes blogs and articles, records coaching videos, and presents at conferences, sharing stories, ideas, and insights as to how one can achieve greater happiness and success in life despite facing challenges and adversity that often interfere in these pursuits. To learn more, visit samfarmerauthor.com.
“A Long Walk Down a Winding Road: Small Steps, Challenges, & Triumphs Through an Autistic Lens” is available on Amazon and can be purchased at all major booksellers.
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