Note to LoC: Don’t reserve much space for the Dick Cheney section

Vice President Dick Cheney said late last year that he would be unlikely to comply with any congressional efforts to compel him to come to Capitol Hill to testify, and comments he made Sept. 14 suggest that Democrats needn’t bother trying to get hold of his papers, either.

“I learned early on that if you don’t want your memos to get you in trouble someday, just don’t write any,” Cheney told an audience at the Gerald R. Ford Museum.

Cheney briefly served as White House chief of staff under President Ford. He joked that efforts to learn more about what he did there likely have been disappointing to anyone snooping around.

“I’m told researchers like to come and dig through my files, to see if anything interesting turns up,” Cheney said. “I want to wish them luck, but the files are pretty thin.”

In bet with Richardson, Dodd loses one gal. of clam chowder

Well, we had hopes that Sen. Chris Dodd (Conn.) would win something when he challenged fellow Democratic presidential backbencher Bill Richardson to a wager over the Red Sox-Yankees series Sept. 14 through 16.

Sadly, no. Dodd now owes Richard­son, who is governor of New Mexico, a gallon of clam chowder.

Gov. Richardson, we wouldn’t eat that if we were you.

Sen. Dodd, maybe checkers is your game?

As Alberto Gonzales wiped away his tears, detractors made no effort to hide their glee

Hundreds of politicians and pundits found in their e-mail inboxes last week a party invitation that might have seemed legit had they never read past the headline, which announced a “goodbye and good luck party” for Alberto Gonzales on Sept. 14, his last day.

Of course, genuine farewell parties for Gonzales — if there were such things — would never be open to the public, for fear that the likes of this invitation’s author might show up.

“It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented, honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing important work because his good mud was dragged through the name for political reasons,” the faux invitation jabbed.

Although the host list was populated by names of congressional Republicans who have found themselves in hot water lately (“Jack Abramoff, Ted Olsen [sic], Tom Delay [sic], Duke, Denny, Mark Foley, Larry & Ted Stevens”), the invitation was the work of local parody blog www.patrickjfitzgerald.blogspot.com.

Only six invitees marked themselves as planning to attend the imaginary event, no doubt because of the steep $2,300 in imaginary cash required to get in.

Stop the presses: More food changes to come

Everybody relax. Seriously, go back to your constituent mail or writing legislation or meeting with lobbyists, because the rumors are not true — at least they may not be.

One month after the Chief Administrative Office (CAO) announced that the food vendor for the House side will lose the contract to New York-based Restaurant Associates in December, staffers got worried that Taco Salad Tuesdays could be a casualty of the change.

The new vendor, by the way, is the same one responsible for the offerings at the National Museum of the American Indian, just up the street.

The salad bar in the Capitol Market, a House basement establishment, is extremely popular, as is observable by lengthy lines of impatient aides from both sides of the rotunda.

Jeff Ventura, a spokes­man for CAO, said, indeed, the new vendor will be observing for the next several weeks what sort of changes should be made to House eateries, from menus all the way down to decorations. No firm decisions have been made about the salad bar yet, according to Ventura, but now might be the time to go down there and loudly declare your love for the greens and toppings currently available.

Barring that approach, Ventura said concerned citizens are welcome to e-mail their thoughts to the food czars themselves at foodservices2@mail.house.gov. He assures staffers that no sustenance-related issue has been taken lightly, having sat in on some of the many planning meetings himself.

“NASA has briefer meetings about whether or not the shuttle is space-worthy,” Ventura said.

Snow eschews political ambitions, retains dignity

Tony Snow crushed the hopes and dreams of Republicans who saw the affable outgoing White House spokesman as a faint hope to hold onto the seat of GOP Sen. John Warner (Va.) when he retires next year.

At a breakfast with print reporters on Sept. 14, his last day, Snow scoffed at the prospect of running for the Senate in Virginia in 2008 — a race that has attracted the candidacy of former Gov. Mark Warner on the Democratic side.

“Look, I’ve got cancer,” Snow said when asked if he would consider running for office, but he added that his treatment is the least of his reasons to forgo the opportunity to shape policy.

“A guy who is leaving the White House due to lack of income is not likely to go to the U. S. Senate, both due to more lack of income and the indignity of begging for [campaign] money,” said Snow, who made $168,000 a year in his White House gig.

Probably a good call — the base Senate salary is now $168,200, and the combined cost of the 2006 Senate race in Virginia topped $25 million.