How to save Thanksgiving dinner — and America

It doesn’t take a pollster to tell us what we all experience daily: politics has divided every aspect of our once-civil society. This makes election season particularly painful, and never more so than during the holidays, with Thanksgiving dinner taking the brunt of it.

When I consider how far we’ve devolved from “the more perfect union” our Founders envisioned, any attempt at pointing fingers at others ends up pointing right back at me. For most of my 20-plus years in politics, I’ve been part of the problem, rather than the solution.

From working on presidential campaigns, to working in the White House and on Capitol Hill, to running for Congress myself, much of my political career has been focused on winning at the expense of someone else. I approached politics as a blood sport, rather than with a spirit of humility and service, which was less evident in the words I spoke than in the attitudes I held in my heart.

Eventually, however, those attitudes surfaced, causing me to act in destructive ways. Whether in fights with friends and loved ones, or in snarky social media comments, I found myself becoming a divider rather than a uniter. As I did, my love-hate relationship with politics became more intense, until I grew sick of the division I had contributed to and was tempted to throw in the towel.

Enter Jesus. As a Christian who claimed to “love my enemies,” I hadn’t lived, thought or acted like one when it came to my political engagement. Rather than speaking the truth in love — a central tenet of my faith — I spoke the truth in disdain towards those I disagreed with. In my heart, I had an “ends justify means” attitude — deluding myself into thinking that being truthful was the most loving thing I could do. But scripture is crystal clear on what love actually means, as anyone who’s attended a wedding knows:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Gulp.

The things I’d said and done in the name of politics contradicted everything I claimed to believe in as a Christian. Over time, I’d erected a sacred/secular divide between “church Denise” and “political Denise,” which confused me as much as it did everyone who knew me. As sincere as I was in my pursuit of a better America, I was sincerely wrong in how I went about it. Instead of setting a better tone, I adapted to what I saw being modeled by those around me.

Thankfully, grace is a central tenant of my faith, which means it’s never too late to change. Now I want to be a part of the solution, rather than the problem; not only because Jesus expects it of me, but because of the existential threat our division poses to our nation. As Abraham Lincoln cited from the New Testament, “A house divided cannot stand.”

In seeking solutions, I arrived at these three as a starting point towards unity:

First, to humble myself by seeking to understand why people think differently than me. Nobody’s story is one and the same. By asking questions of those we disagree with, we can better understand our neighbors and learn something about ourselves. Doing so exposes our blind spots and helps expand our perspectives. Our opinions may not end up where others’ are, but we can better appreciate how and why they got there. As a result, the contempt we so often feel towards those we disagree with gives way to compassion.

Second, to neither offend nor take offense. Even the Bible admits that this one’s hard; scripture tells us that offense is inevitable, “but woe unto those through whom offense comes!” We all say offensive things at times, but doing our best not to offend in return is an important life skill, both in and outside of the political arena. Moreover, learning to forgive — another tenet central to the Christian faith — is part of becoming a healthy and happy human.

Third, to engage with love. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that,” which reminds me of the Apostle Paul’s admonition to “not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” What use is talk about loving our country if we hate half the people who live in it? Love must be the motivating factor of everything we do in politics; without it, we are blinded by selfish ambition and a zero-sum mentality, which naturally fuels hatred for those we disagree with.

To be clear, I’m still far from the person I want to be in the political arena. As election season kicks into high gear, the temptation to revert to “politics as usual” grows stronger. After all, I’m no saint — I’m simply aware that I have a choice between entertaining the devil or the angel sitting on my shoulders.

Thus, my prayer this Thanksgiving, and for the rest of election season, is that I’ll choose to be a force for unity rather than for division. It’s the only hope our nation has of surviving increasingly turbulent times — and the only option for those of us who claim to love our neighbor.

Denise Gitsham is an attorney, political commentator and author of the new book “Politics for People Who Hate Politics: How to Engage without Losing your Friends or Selling your Soul.”