Giving each other the gift of civility

This holiday season in particular, with the constant turmoil coming out of Washington, whether in our newspapers or on our Twitter feeds, it’s hard to avoid the all consuming topic of politics. As we get further and further into the holiday season, it’s likely that Americans across the country will find themselves discussing national politics this season as they gather with friends, families and neighbors.

Americans are reporting that the potential for these difficult conversations is giving them stress. A recent poll from PBS, NPR and Marist College found 58 percent of American adults “dread the thought of having to talk about politics” at the table. In a moment when Americans seem to be moving further and further apart due to political partisanship, it seems like everyone — Democrats, Republicans and Independents alike — agrees that they want to avoid discussing politics over the holidays.

{mosads}It’s not that Americans are hesitant to share their opinions. It is that people avoid talking about politics, and particularly President Trump, with others who do not share their viewpoint. Unfortunately, as a country, Americans are of two minds on whether there is a benefit to discussing the president with someone who views him differently than themselves. The PBS, NPR and Marist poll also noted that nearly half of respondents found conversations about President Trump “stressful and frustrating” for this reason.

It’s a troubling finding for our democracy, a system of government where success depends on open communication and discussion with everyone, even when we may not agree. Our democracy relies on our ability to exchange ideas and collaborate with people who may be different from us. Unfortunately, over the past year, Americans are feeling the strain from an overall decline in civility when it comes to politics. Almost 70 percent of Americans reported in the PBS, NPR, and Marist poll that civility in Washington has worsened since the 2016 election.

Despite the hyper-partisanship in Congress and statehouses across the United States the fact is we know that we can get more done by exchanging ideas and collaborating with people who have views unlike our own. It is more enjoyable to work together civilly than to remain gridlocked and unable to move forward. At a time of the year when Americans are encouraged to have empathy for others, we could all benefit from being just a bit more civil. It doesn’t have to be a complicated exercise.

Research shows there are a number of ways that to be more civil this holiday season. Pause and fully listen to what others are saying rather than immediately formulating a response in your head. Focus on commonalities, like shared traditions of sports and foods that span across political divides. Ask yourself and others a simple question: “What are you most thankful for?” Giving thanks and demonstrating gratitude has the power to break down barriers and bring us closer together.

The ability to listen and demonstrate respect for those with whom we disagree is critical to our society, from the workplace to town halls to family gatherings. When each of us makes a commitment to engage in public and political discourse by actively listening to and even disagreeing with others without being disagreeable, we can strengthen our communities.

As we close out 2017, a year hallmarked by divisive politics, each of us has the opportunity to recommit to civility and model for others the positive impacts of coming together. Whether you will be spending time with family, friends or even strangers, give the gift of civility this holiday season.

Carolyn J. Lukensmeyer, Ph.D., is executive director of the National Institute for Civil Discourse at the University of Arizona.