Net neutrality gets a ’70s ballad

Scene 1: Hundreds of people are sitting at desks illuminated only by
the screens of their personal computers. The orchestra begins to play
Queen’s (to whom I apologize for this) “Bohemian Rhapsody” and the
computer users sing:

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught up in politics
No escape to reality
We’ve opened our eyes
Looked up at the ‘Net to see
We’re just the Users (the Users)
We get no sympathy
Because it’s easy come, easy go
All the words are just for show
Any way opinion blows
Doesn’t bother to Genachowski…

Scene 2: Enter the Lobbyists. As they sing they throw handfuls of money everywhere in a shamelessly abandoned manner.

Mama just killed a ruling
Made it clear that we are able
To put our money on the table
Mama, our lobbying’s just begun
Even so they’ve gone and thrown it our way
Mama, ooh
The users all can cry
But we’ll be back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on ’cause nothing’s going to happen.

Scene 3: Enter Google and Verizon.

Just right, our time has come
Sends shivers down our spines
To push policies so fine
Hell no, everybody
You’ve got to know
Gotta leave your hopes behind and face the truth
Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the policies blow)
We’ll get our way
Sometimes you’ll wish we’d never been born at all

Scene 4: The users return …

We see little silhouettos of lobbyists
Chairman G., Chairman G., will you do their fandango?
Cable co’s and telcos, very, very frightening us
(Regulation) Regulation (Regulation) Regulation, Regulation’s too slow
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
We’re just the public nobody loves us
We’re just the punters, no real choices
Spare us a life with a mon-opoly